The object measured six inches. Credit:Newcastle University
Move over Ann Summers, because forget your modern gadgets, the ancient Romans had their own version of adult playthings—a 'non-miniaturized, disembodied carved wooden phallus.' Imagine the wisdom passed down through the ages!
In a discovery that'll make you raise your eyebrows higher than a Roman aqueduct, scientists have dug up what they believe to be the earliest example of a Roman sex toy in the UK. Picture this: a 2,000-year-old phallic-shaped piece of wood, a solid 16cm in length. Or, well, it might've been larger back in the day, but you know how wood behaves over time—always shrinking when you least expect it!
This relic of raunchiness was stumbled upon over two decades ago near Hadrian's Wall in Northern England, lying next to shoes, dress trinkets, and other knick-knacks. At first, it was written off as some sort of sewing tool—imagine the surprise when someone had the bright idea to take a closer look!
Rob Collins, a senior lecturer in archaeology at Newcastle University, couldn't help but chuckle at the situation: "I mean, seriously, who cataloged this thing as a darning device? Perhaps someone was just a tad uncomfortable admitting that the Romans indulged in such... uh, peculiar activities."
But wait, there's more! In a scholarly paper that's bound to raise a few eyebrows (and maybe even elicit a snort or two), researchers proposed not one, not two, but three possible uses for this ancient phallic find.
First up, the obvious: a good old-fashioned dildo. Although, let's be clear, it probably wasn't exactly a hit for penetration—more like a novelty item for clitoral stimulation. Ow!
Then there's the slightly less scandalous suggestion that it was used as a pestle for grinding up medicine. Can you imagine asking your local apothecary for one of those?
And finally, the most bizarre theory of them all: it could've been some sort of lucky charm, placed at the entrance of businesses to, uh, promote prosperity. Talk about a unique marketing strategy!
Collins sums it up best: "Whether it was for pleasure, pain, or just plain luck, one thing's for sure—ancient Romans definitely had a creative streak when it came to their... ahem, personal items."